Funny Mugabe quotes that will leave you rolling on the ground with laughter

Have you ever heard of mugabe’s quotes? Lol!! The man is funny, i think in all presidents he is the only one with funny quotes.
Here are collection of some of Mugabe’s Quotes…lets goooooooo….


-In Africa, the only warning they take seriously is “battery.”
-Zimbabweans, let us respect pregnant women for it is not easy to carry around evidence of sex in public.
-Girls, learn to take care of yourselves. Some men will use you, use your body, ruin your reputation and then marry a beautiful woman and get born again, use you as testimony in church.

-We are living in a generation where people in love are free to touch each other’s private parts, but are not allowed to touch each other’s phones because they are private.
-Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a broke man who is extremely good in bed.
-The only thing that scares me about marriage is that you have to wakeup earler on the wedding day.
-No matter how men shake their thing after urinating, the last drop is always reserved for the boxers.


-Ladies, don’t be decieved by a man who text you “I miss you” only when it’s cold or raining…you are neither an umbrella nor a jacket.
-Kenyans are good runners because corruption is always chasing them.
-We are all born mad, but some decides to remain so.
-The size of a socialite’s backside is indirectly proportional to the size of her brain.

-Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the devil always comes along and gives you a “Girlfriend.”
-I stopped trusting women when my class three girlfriend left me for another boy, all because he bought a sharpener with a mirror.

-Witchcraft is when a 24-year-old girl who cannot jog for five minutes expects 40-year-old man to last for an hour in action.
-If you are a married man and you find yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform.
-Virginity is the best wedding gift any man would recieve from his newly wed wife but lately, there’s nothing as such any-longer becsuse it will have already been given out as a Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job assurance, Church collection, Examination marking schemes and for Lorry fares.

-Cigarette is pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.
-For a woman with beauty without brains, it’s her private parts that suffer.
-Dear ladies, if your boyfriend didn’t wish you a happy mother’s day or sing sweet mother for you, you should stop breastfeeding him.
-If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men do not walk around wuth X-ray machines to see inner beauty.


-Some women’s legs are like rumors they just keep on spreading.
-When you kiss a girl from another nationality, do it well because you represent the whole country.
-All i hear always is “No sex before marriage.” If that was God’s plan, then you would recieve your penis or vagina on your wedding day.
-Check your girlfriend’s body, if she has more tatoos or piercins, you can cheat on her. She is already used to pain.

-Dating a slim or slender guy is cool. The problem is when you are lying on his chest then his ribs draw Adidas lines on your face.

-God is the best inventor ever. He took a rib from man and created a loudspeaker.
-Some girls don’t attend the GYM but look physically fit because of running from one man to another.

-It is better for a man to be stingy with his money because he hustled for it than a woman to deny you a hole she did not drill.